The Tears of Pain

It was my cousin. She was eight years old when this happened. My aunt, her mother and my mother’s sister, was at her in-laws house at that time. It was the puja holidays of 2004. It was the year I fell in love for the first time (rather, I should say that I thought I had fallen in love, within a month I would realize it!). It was a good year nonetheless.

My aunt’s in-laws house is a big joint family in a village. She goes there with her family every year for the pujas before coming to our place in Durgapur. So, in 2004, my aunt and cousin sister were in the village when a relative died in her in-laws family. The deceased person was my aunt’s sister-in-law’s husband’s father. My aunt had met him some three times and was not very perturbed by the death. But his death meant a lot of rituals had to be followed, especially because it was in the village. First there would be the period of mourning, followed by the ceremonies and rituals to please the spirit of the dead man, and then another spell of mourning.

When the corpse was being readied for cremation, all the women gathered to wail and mourn the death. My aunt was in charge of providing refreshments to the mourners (they needed energy to mourn). As she was distributing lemonade, she noticed my cousin sitting cross-legged and wailing aloud. My cousin was almost choking o her tears. This surprised my aunt very much. The deceased person had met my cousin a few times and had even bought her toys and chocolates, but my aunt had no clue that her daughter was so attached to him.

My aunt took my cousin in her arms and coaxed her not to cry for the deceased person was going to a better place. Tears welled up in my aunt’s eyes too. With a choking voice my aunt asked her, “Why are you crying my little girl? Don’t cry, everything will be fine.”
Weeping profusely my cousin answered, “What will happen now? How will I go to Durgapur now?” And tears poured down her cheeks like waterfall.

The Eyes That Stared

Her father had been posted to a new place. It was a small, sleepy town with a hydro-electric power station where her father worked. Coming from the city, Taryn was pretty much bored and bugged by the place. The high school she went to was an old building and her class mates had no clue about the latest fashion or the latest songs. They were not cool at all.

On the other hand, Taryn, with her high heel, mini skirts, latest hair-do and gadgets had become a flying success. All the girls wanted to be friends with her. All the boys stared at her when she passed them. Secretly she liked this attention. In the city she was just another girl, but here she was the queen.

School was not very far from where she lived so she used to walk it back. Everyday when she returned from school she noticed a young man at the window of the house opposite to her’s, staring out of the window at her. At first she did not mind. As the days turned into weeks, she began to get the creeps. Her friends from the city adviced her to be careful, after all these rural people had not seen a city girl. One of her friends even asked her to go and confront the guy. But Taryn was scared.

One day as she was returning from school, she noticed the man staring out of the window. Something snapped inside Taryn and she decided to end the matter once and for all. She marched straight to the door of the house and knocked. A woman in her late forties opened the door. Furious as she was, Taryn bitterly complained to the lady about this man who always stares out at her and how that was so vulgar and compromised her dignity and the dignity of women-kind. She advised the woman to control the man or else a formal complaint would be made and that she would see the matter to this end. Throughout this tirade, the woman listened patiently to the complaints and threats.
“I shall see to it that you are not inconvenienced again,” said the woman in an apologetic tone.
“You better do” retorted Taryn.

As she was about to leave, an old man called out to her from inside the house. Taryn stopped to look back and saw an old man emerging. He beckoned to her and said, “You are talking about the yong man who stands by the window?”

“Yes, I am.” Taryn pouted her lips to show that she was serious.

“Well, I thought you should know, he is blind,” said the old man.

(This is a story that my father told me.)

The Future... as they predict...

I have a nice stable job with a good stable salary. It is not a corporate job and so I can come home by 5 in the evening, max. I have a fair, pretty wife, whose family has a lot of money. I also have a house and a Maruti car. My life is complete.

This is what people say would happen to me in the next five years if I clear the NET exam. I clear the NET exam and I shall have a fair, pretty wife whose family has a lot of money or else I shall marry a penniless ugly hag; I clear the NET and I shall get a stable income or else I shall be running from door to door for a job; I clear the NET exam and I shall have a happy settled life or else I am doomed! Well, is it really that dramatic?! I know of a lot of people who have not given the NET and yet have a stable job (even in the corporate world!), a nice house and a pretty wife. And how does it matter whether my wife is rich or penniless as long as I have money enough!

Well, giving into the pressure I went to sit for the exam a second time. Because of this exam I missed out on meeting a friend in Cal, missed out on a trek, missed out on a crucial football match, missed out on a feast, and missed out on sleep! I was woken up at 5 in the morning!

A freezing chill greeted me in the morning as I left for the bus stop for the ride to Burdwan. Jumped onto a bus and sat beside a snoring woman and a broken window, and reached Burdwan just as the sunlight was getting warm. It was a blessing to stand in the sun and bask. I warmed myself up before going inside my exam center. But boy, what an experience it was!

There were women all around, hundreds of them, dressed up and strutting around (obviously with books in front of them). But what struck me as odd was that all of them were on the verge of being pretty, but just not pretty. They were good looking and fair, you would surely give them a second look, but just not pretty. I guess it was the books that had this effect! I was wedged between four girls on four sides. I thought it would be my lucky day but as it turned out, I WAS WRONG!!!! They seemed to have taken a bath in perfume and deo, and by the end of the first half an hour I had a throbbing headache and aching to escape! And I did escape, 45 minutes before the first half of the exam was to get over.

I came out of the hall at 11:15am and gave my mother a call to report my status. She picked up the call and on hearing my voice shrieked, “Have you not given the exam?! What happened?!” It took a lot of effort to convince her that I had actually given the exam and had come out early. In the meantime my father arrived after a fulfilling photoshoot of his alma mater. We decided to watch the noon show at the planetarium which was opposite my exam center. It was a nice one hour show, interspersed by children jabbering excitedly beside me.

I returned to the exam centre at one for the last leg of the NET exam. The exam commenced at 01:30pm and was supposed to get over at 4. It was a pretty straight forward subjective paper of 200 marks. I knew all the questions except two. One was about the Veysara temple style. I know nothing about it and have never heard of it! I am against submitting a blank answer so I tried to guess. The word Veysara seemed to be from the south, so I wrote a page on south Indian temple! I finished the paper and asked permission to leave. The whole hall stared at me. The invigilators consulted among themselves and decided to let me go. So I left the exam hall at 3, an hour before the exam was to get over.

My father asked me jokingly whether it was my aim to leave the hall at 3 so that I can get back home and play. Hardly could he imagine how close he was to the truth. When people asked me how the exam went I gave a diplomatic answer – I have answered all the questions, and now the results will say how I did. A good way to keep off criticism or extra probing. NET is a very important exam for people who are interested in that field. As for me, I would rather enjoy a game of football.

Windows Vista Troubleshooting

I love using the Vista even though my brother, cousin and everyone suggests otherwise. But I like it. It suits me. The only problem is getting softwares that are compatible with it. I sometimes use the ones meant for Windows XP and sometimes my friend helps me out. But for everyone who has Vista I would suggest using the Vista Registry Errors Finder Application for cleaning the registry and repairing the errors. Dude, it works and does not hang. Well, here is a short description of it:

Vista Registry Errors Finder Application offers easy-to-use optimization tools to speed up and improve the stability of your Windows 7, Windows Vista, or Windows XP PC. Regardless of your level of expertise, Vista Registry Errors Finder Application safely cleans, repairs, and optimizes the registry and automatically backs up changes for future recovery. Now includes essential tools to fix Windows security loopholes. Permanently erase your Internet activity, personal files, and free space to keep your information away from prying eyes.

Download and install Vista Registry Errors Finder Application:
http://digeus.com/downloads/regcleaner/files/5/regcleaner_5_5.exe

Learn more about Vista Registry Errors Finder Application:
http://www.digeus.com/products/regcleaner/vista-registry-errors-finder-application.html

Here is the link:

Vista Registry Errors Finder Application

Hope I am some help for the people using Windows Vista like me. Have fun!

What I Want....

What I do not want is difficult to state; and what I want, is virtually impossible to state. We think we want something, we fight for it, we sacrifice for it, and at the end of the day when we get it we are not completely satisfied. When we get what we want, we realize that that is not exactly what we wanted. It is like wanting and getting a chocolate only to find that the expiry date has passed.

Most people say they know what they want (they might actually know) and even I thought I knew what I wanted. But when I got what I wanted, I realized that it was not it – there was something missing. The flavor that we had expected or the joy we thought it would bring was somehow not there. I was happy at achieving my goals, no doubt, but there was something missing. I had wanted to win the swimming championship at my club and after a lot of training I became the champion. I was beaming but not quite very satisfied. I wanted to top my school, I did, but I still was not quite happy. I wanted to be the centre of college life, the dude, I became the dude but did not like it. I want to be surrounded by people, I was surrounded by people, but then I did not like it and broke off. I so want to help people who are close to me, and yet when I try hard to do so, they get hurt. I wanted to fall in love and be the Romeo of the 21st century. I did fall in love but the other people could not or did not love me back; and the people who loved me, I did not love them back. Did it feel great to achieve my goals? No, it surely did not.

I have tried to reason why my disposition is so weird. Am I too fickle? I have not got too much evidence to that end. The only other possibility is that I am lured by the chase rather than the kill. The whole enjoyment and the wanting of something is driven by the excitement of achieving it rather than by the excitement of enjoying what I want after getting it. To put is crassly – I love to hunt and kill, but I do not enjoy eating the meat. Sounds awful doesn’t it? Well, it does sound cheap and awful but it is the truth. I cannot run away from it. But after all this, I still do not know what I want. I knew I did not want to do engineering but I did not know what I would do instead – English or History. I knew I did not want to go to JNU but I neither knew whether to go to DU. I believe I should get inspired by the saying, “Everything happens for a reason” that way I will not blame myself. But you guys tell me, do you know what you want? I seriously do not know what I want. Just going with the flow….

Awesome English!!!

Nehru was on a visit to a school in rural Madhya Pradesh. The Principal of the school introduced him to all the staff members but somehow missed the Physical Education teacher. Nehru shook hands with everyone and at the end asked, "Who is the Physical Education teacher in this school?"

A tall, well-built man in his early forties stepped forward with a huge smile on his face and said, "Sir, I is."

Nehru smiled and replied, "So you are the Physical Education teacher?"

With a broad grin the man replied, "Yes Sir, I are."

The Story of One-Eyed Jack

nce upon a time, long long ago
There lived a boy named One-Eyed Jack
He had a dream, to be a knight,
Save a damsel in distress and make her his wife
But his parents made him a blacksmith and
Married him off to a chubby washer woman
And all his dreams came to naught!

This is the story of most of us. We lack the vision and the strength to fight for what we want. We give in to the wishes of our parents or to peer pressure, failing to realize that you cannot be successful in something that you do not want. Most of us are scared of failure and are scared of living our dreams. We prefer the most common road, doing what everyone does, as the route is chalked out for us and we just hope to make the best of it. Are we happy? No one can answer this question honestly. Some say they have enough money and success to be happy, while others say that at least their future is secure. I do not have an answer to this question. Do you?

Interview With Raghav

December 15, 2010, Paris: It was a very cold but beautiful morning in Paris when I had the opportunity of having an exclusive interview with Raghav, The French. We had our interview over a delicious hot cup of Parisian coffee.





Q. You are known as a very intelligent man, Mr Raghav.
A. (Just smiles)

Q. How do you like Paris and France?
A. Beautiful, very beautiful! Lots of pretty women but cigarettes are very expensive. (Laughs)

Q. Do you plan to stay on in France after your Masters?
A. No, I want to go back to India. My heart is there.

Q. “My heart is there,” is the statement rhetorical?
A. You can take it in a rhetorical sense also.

Q. That means you have someone there waiting for you?
A. Yes, a very special person. I really like her but I do not know whether she likes me or not.

Q. If I am not mistaken, is this girl from your college, your classmate?
A. You seem to know a lot. Yes, that is her. I miss her a lot. We had a great time together. We used to fight but we used to love each other.

Q. It sounds very romantic. Even she said that you guys had a nice time.
A. So you have met her?

Q. Yes, I took her interview a few days back.
A. That’s great! How is she? What did she say?

Q. She is fine. She said that you guys had a wonderful time together…
A. She is always so sweet. That’s why I love her so much. She is such an angel! I miss her eyes!
(Lights a cigarette.)

Q. But she also said that you guys were not in love…
A. What?! Not in love! She does not know what love is! If what we shared was not love than what is love? Go ask her that!

Q. I did but was kicked out..
A. That is so like her! To escape from the truth. But I love her so much and she just refuses to accept that she also loves me!
(Lights another cigarette.)
She knows everything and still she has to fight with me!

Q. Eerr… but she told me that you were the one who was always starting a fight..
A. She said that! Bitch! She is the one who never listens to me and does what she wants! She is the one whose every word I have to listen to or else I don’t love her! What does she think of herself!? I am not her servant! Why should I be the one who always takes the crap? I hate her!

Q. You two seem to share a very strange and funny relationship of love and hate!
A. You find it funny? You find it funny! You piece of shit! What do you know of love, stupid journalist! You guys only know how to cash into other people’s lives and sorrows. And you say it is a relationship of love and hate! Well, young fool, it is a relationship of hate!

Q. But Mr Raghav, a few minutes back you were in could nine thinking about her and now you say you hate her. I really don’t understand…
A. You insolent upstart! You question the integrity and strength of my love for her!? How dare you make such a statement! Get out of here before I kill you!

That was the end of the interview with Raghav The French. I really had a nice time in Paris after the interview. I would suggest to all my readers to visit the City of Romance. It is a wonderful place.

Interview With Anjishnu

December 14, 2010, New Delhi: It was a great experience to have an exclusive interview with the well known heart throb of college, Anjishnu The Great. Here is a full report of the interview.






Journalist: Hello Sir, its good to meet you in person after having heard so much about you.
Anjishnu: Chill dude, call me Anji. Everyone calls me Anji. Want a smoke?

J: Sorry Sir, I don’t smoke.
A: Don’t call me Sir, call me Anji.

J: So Mr Anji...
A: Just Anji for you.

J: You are the heart throb of college...
A: I don’t like to boast its just that people like me, especially girls.

J: So I have heard.
A: Yeah. Ask any girl and they will know me.

J: I have done that and they say that you smoke too much.
A: How many girls did you ask?

J: Ten girls.
A: And how many girls are there in college?

J: Maybe about a few hundred.
A: There you are! You ask ten stupid girls and you believe what they say? They must be the ones who have tried but failed to impress me so are trying to malign my name. There are so many girls who think I am intelligent and cool and find my smoking hot! Smoking keeps me intelligent!

J: How can smoking make anyone intelligent?
A: You are so ignorant! Have you not heard of the epic paper I presented on the importance of smoking last year in the National Science Fest! Go do your homework before you come and waste my time.

J: What about your friends?
A: What about them?

J: Well, what do you have to say about them and their influence on you?
A: What kind of an ass are you?! I am Anji The Great! I don’t get influenced, I influence. All of my friends are grateful that I am their friend! There is this Bihari guy who thinks he is cool, then there is this fat girl with specs who thinks she is hot, and there is this bearded sad guy from MA who thinks he can flirt. I don’t have the heart to tell them that they are shit compared to me. They just bask in the shadow of my glory.

J: I heard you are having a relationship in college and this girl is senior to you?
A: You have heard right. I am in a relationship, but hey, love has no boundaries of age or sex!

J: So you must be loving her a lot?
A: Ya, kind of.

J: Kind of?
A: Well, you see, she was a friend and she was blinded by my greatness and fell for me. There were other girls also who were falling for me but then she is a Brahmin and the daughter of a banker. I kind of liked her.

J: So you chose her because of her caste or her money?
A: How dare you come to my house and say such dirty things about me! You uncultured savage! You are nothing compared to me! Get out of my house!

Well, that was the end of an eventful and enlightening interview with the heart throb of college, Anjishnu the Great, who also likes to call himself Anji. This journalist has merely presented the text of the interview and expresses no opinion.

Look forward to our exclusive interview with Raghav The French in tomorrow’s issue.

Interview With Smt Debarati Bhaumik

December 13, 2010, Kolkata: After many days of persuasion, Smt Debarati Bhaumik, the great celebrity of college gossip has finally agreed to be interviewed by this scribe about her life in college. I went to her house in Kolkata for an exclusive interview.






Q. It’s a great honour talking to you!
A. Everyone tells me that. Tell me something new.

Q. Er.. Well…
A. Please do not waste my time. Ask me your questions.

Q. So you did your BSc from St Stephen’s College..
A. Like daaaa… Everyone knows that.

Q. So how was your experience there?
A. What can I say, people there enjoyed my company. There was this Bihari who thought he loved me, an old MA idiot who wanted to hang out with me, a sickly little fuccha who always tagged along and a Rajasthani chick who thinks she can play badminton also tried to be my friend. Poor souls! I had pity on them and they believe I have made their life in college enjoyable. Nice guys, just not my type.

Q. Some people say that you had a boyfriend in college. What do you have to say about that?
A. People talk rubbish. There was this guy, the Bihari I was talking about. Well, we spent a lot of time together. We went to many places together. We always used to hang out. But he used to stink of tobacco. But we were not in love. We just spent a lot of time together and I used to worry about him, worry about his health and his studies, but we were not in love. I took him to my house to meet my parents but we were not in love.

Q. But was he not in love with you?
A. Who told you that? Anyway, he said he was. He is a nice guy, you know, he used to care for me a lot. But we were not in love.

Q. Didn’t you guys fight a lot when you two were in a relationship?
A. First of all we were not in a relationship. We were not in love. But yes we fought a lot. He was an ass. He always screwed up everything and he always irritated me and never listened to me. He was a stubborn pig.

Q. No one person can be at fault. You must have done something.
A. What ?! You think I was at fault?! Do you even know that Bihari, that you point a finger at me?! Look at my big and beautiful eyes, do you think I can be at fault?! I am just a poor little girl. He was at fault always!!

Q. But you just said that he cares for you…
A. That he does. He is basically a nice guy but he is always at fault when we have a fight. I really like him and he likes me, but we are not in love, and he is always irritating me.

Q. Why are you always saying that “we are not in love”?
A. What do you mean?

Q. As in, you have said “but we are not in love” several times but you have never said that you are not in love with him…

Well, that was the end of the interview. As soon as I asked that question she went red and kicked me out of the house. In accordance with the principles of journalism I am not supposed to assume anything so I shall refrain from giving my own opinion of the last question. If anyone is too curious they can ask her at their own peril.

Look out for our next exclusive interview with the great Anjishnu, the heart throb of college, to be published tomorrow or day after tomorrow.

Feline Trouble

I love feline beings. They have this mystery and coquettishness that is so irresistible. I had a brush with a feline being last night. Oh, it’s an experience I will never forget!

I met this feline being outside my house last night. The night was cold and so I brought her in. The warmth inside the house was enlivening after the cold. She snuggled up beside me on the couch. My parents did not mind.

After dinner my mother asked me whether the feline being would be spending the night with us. I strongly advocated that she did. My mother just asked me to keep the window open at night and left us alone. As it was already late I got into bed and inside my blanket. The feline beast crawled up beside me and curled herself around me. She was warm. We fell asleep.

I was woken in the morning by my mother’s screams. I was half asleep and I did not realize what was going on but I could faintly understand that I had done something wrong! Then it struck me – I had kept the windows closed! I freaked out, expecting the worst! I was right – the cat had pooped all over the house as she could not go out because I had forgotten to open the window! And now I had to clean it up…

Writing The S.O.P.

It was the summer of 2010. I had just finished with my Masters exams and was planning to do a second Masters abroad. Some of my friends suggested looking at universities in the US. Following their advice I started exploring the websites of various US universities. It was then when I came across this strange thing called an S.O.P. otherwise called the Statement of Purpose.

As I read through the websites of several universities I figured out that an S.O.P. is nothing but a short essay on yourself, your academic goals, why you want to pursue the subject you are applying for and whats so great about the university you are applying to. This was not tough to write! I knew what I wanted to study and why; all I needed to know was about the university I was applying to. How difficult can that be?

During this time, I got together with a friend whose next-door neighbor had gotten through a university in the US. That being the case, he felt that it gave him the divine mandate to enlighten an ignorant savage like me about the great complexities and mysteries of applying abroad. Like a faithful disciple I listened to his sermon for about two hours. What he emphasized in these two hours was that neither my academic track record nor my GRE score counted towards a strong application. It was the S.O.P. and the recommendations that were the clinchers. He emphasized that his neighbor had spent months trying to perfect his S.O.P. and that is what saw him through. His advice – do the same in advance.

The next morning I grabbed pen and paper and got down to writing my S.O.P.. My friend had made it clear that it should not be more than a page long. Keeping his advice in mind I exploited every bit of my knowledge and intellect to draft a S.O.P.. Once, twice, thrice, four times I went over it, and after a day-and-a-half of scrutiny I was very pleased with my effort. I had stated everything within a page trying to be humble about my achievements as my parents had taught me to be. I was honest and straight forward. When I beheld my finalized S.O.P. I was overcome with a sense of pride at my achievement. According to my friend, I had completed the most difficult part of the application!

What with my satisfaction, my friend took it on himself to see that I had the perfect application material. So he dragged me to meet his neighbor who had come on vacation. I met this guy one evening. He was chubby and had a prominent beer-belly sticking out of the tight fitting t-shirt, which made prominent the faint outline of biceps. He considered himself an NRI and tried his best to impress us. He was quite successful with my friend, who literally worshipped him. I, on the other hand, was quite amused. He looked at my S.O.P. for a long time, shook his head and said, ‘This is crap! No one will take you if you write such nonsense.’ I felt insulted and was infuriated, but for my friend’s sake I kept quite. Doing my best to control my anger, I politely asked, ‘What should I do to improve my chances?’ Gravely the fellow replied, ‘I think I can show you how.’

He brought his laptop and showed me his S.O.P. that had got him through the US university. I read through it in amazement and disbelief. Someone had to be really stupid to be fooled by that! He had written that he had never come second in his life (his academic scores said otherwise) and that he was the most brilliant fellow in the whole of the country! His S.O.P. was nothing but blatant boasting, something my parents have always stressed is improper! I could not do it.

Since that incident, many others have told me that the S.O.P. is not about telling the truth but about marketing yourself. Whoever markets the best, gets through irrespective of their proven caliber. I do not know how much this is true. I plan to stick with my format and find out for myself. I won’t mind being rejected if what they say is true. God bless America!

The Woman of My Dream

I am heads-over-heels in love with Hayden Leslie Panettiere. I first saw her in the movie "The Ice Princess" and ever since that day I am in love. She makes my heart skip a beat and makes me smile. O how pretty she is!!! And yesterday I saw her in "I Love Beth Cooper" and by God I am in love! Tell me isn't she pretty. I so wish I could meet her and just say a hello. O, what would I not give for that! Love is blind and lovers can't see - I know she is beyond my reach and yet I am so madly in love! That's the funny way love works.