Interview With Smt Debarati Bhaumik

December 13, 2010, Kolkata: After many days of persuasion, Smt Debarati Bhaumik, the great celebrity of college gossip has finally agreed to be interviewed by this scribe about her life in college. I went to her house in Kolkata for an exclusive interview.






Q. It’s a great honour talking to you!
A. Everyone tells me that. Tell me something new.

Q. Er.. Well…
A. Please do not waste my time. Ask me your questions.

Q. So you did your BSc from St Stephen’s College..
A. Like daaaa… Everyone knows that.

Q. So how was your experience there?
A. What can I say, people there enjoyed my company. There was this Bihari who thought he loved me, an old MA idiot who wanted to hang out with me, a sickly little fuccha who always tagged along and a Rajasthani chick who thinks she can play badminton also tried to be my friend. Poor souls! I had pity on them and they believe I have made their life in college enjoyable. Nice guys, just not my type.

Q. Some people say that you had a boyfriend in college. What do you have to say about that?
A. People talk rubbish. There was this guy, the Bihari I was talking about. Well, we spent a lot of time together. We went to many places together. We always used to hang out. But he used to stink of tobacco. But we were not in love. We just spent a lot of time together and I used to worry about him, worry about his health and his studies, but we were not in love. I took him to my house to meet my parents but we were not in love.

Q. But was he not in love with you?
A. Who told you that? Anyway, he said he was. He is a nice guy, you know, he used to care for me a lot. But we were not in love.

Q. Didn’t you guys fight a lot when you two were in a relationship?
A. First of all we were not in a relationship. We were not in love. But yes we fought a lot. He was an ass. He always screwed up everything and he always irritated me and never listened to me. He was a stubborn pig.

Q. No one person can be at fault. You must have done something.
A. What ?! You think I was at fault?! Do you even know that Bihari, that you point a finger at me?! Look at my big and beautiful eyes, do you think I can be at fault?! I am just a poor little girl. He was at fault always!!

Q. But you just said that he cares for you…
A. That he does. He is basically a nice guy but he is always at fault when we have a fight. I really like him and he likes me, but we are not in love, and he is always irritating me.

Q. Why are you always saying that “we are not in love”?
A. What do you mean?

Q. As in, you have said “but we are not in love” several times but you have never said that you are not in love with him…

Well, that was the end of the interview. As soon as I asked that question she went red and kicked me out of the house. In accordance with the principles of journalism I am not supposed to assume anything so I shall refrain from giving my own opinion of the last question. If anyone is too curious they can ask her at their own peril.

Look out for our next exclusive interview with the great Anjishnu, the heart throb of college, to be published tomorrow or day after tomorrow.

Feline Trouble

I love feline beings. They have this mystery and coquettishness that is so irresistible. I had a brush with a feline being last night. Oh, it’s an experience I will never forget!

I met this feline being outside my house last night. The night was cold and so I brought her in. The warmth inside the house was enlivening after the cold. She snuggled up beside me on the couch. My parents did not mind.

After dinner my mother asked me whether the feline being would be spending the night with us. I strongly advocated that she did. My mother just asked me to keep the window open at night and left us alone. As it was already late I got into bed and inside my blanket. The feline beast crawled up beside me and curled herself around me. She was warm. We fell asleep.

I was woken in the morning by my mother’s screams. I was half asleep and I did not realize what was going on but I could faintly understand that I had done something wrong! Then it struck me – I had kept the windows closed! I freaked out, expecting the worst! I was right – the cat had pooped all over the house as she could not go out because I had forgotten to open the window! And now I had to clean it up…

Writing The S.O.P.

It was the summer of 2010. I had just finished with my Masters exams and was planning to do a second Masters abroad. Some of my friends suggested looking at universities in the US. Following their advice I started exploring the websites of various US universities. It was then when I came across this strange thing called an S.O.P. otherwise called the Statement of Purpose.

As I read through the websites of several universities I figured out that an S.O.P. is nothing but a short essay on yourself, your academic goals, why you want to pursue the subject you are applying for and whats so great about the university you are applying to. This was not tough to write! I knew what I wanted to study and why; all I needed to know was about the university I was applying to. How difficult can that be?

During this time, I got together with a friend whose next-door neighbor had gotten through a university in the US. That being the case, he felt that it gave him the divine mandate to enlighten an ignorant savage like me about the great complexities and mysteries of applying abroad. Like a faithful disciple I listened to his sermon for about two hours. What he emphasized in these two hours was that neither my academic track record nor my GRE score counted towards a strong application. It was the S.O.P. and the recommendations that were the clinchers. He emphasized that his neighbor had spent months trying to perfect his S.O.P. and that is what saw him through. His advice – do the same in advance.

The next morning I grabbed pen and paper and got down to writing my S.O.P.. My friend had made it clear that it should not be more than a page long. Keeping his advice in mind I exploited every bit of my knowledge and intellect to draft a S.O.P.. Once, twice, thrice, four times I went over it, and after a day-and-a-half of scrutiny I was very pleased with my effort. I had stated everything within a page trying to be humble about my achievements as my parents had taught me to be. I was honest and straight forward. When I beheld my finalized S.O.P. I was overcome with a sense of pride at my achievement. According to my friend, I had completed the most difficult part of the application!

What with my satisfaction, my friend took it on himself to see that I had the perfect application material. So he dragged me to meet his neighbor who had come on vacation. I met this guy one evening. He was chubby and had a prominent beer-belly sticking out of the tight fitting t-shirt, which made prominent the faint outline of biceps. He considered himself an NRI and tried his best to impress us. He was quite successful with my friend, who literally worshipped him. I, on the other hand, was quite amused. He looked at my S.O.P. for a long time, shook his head and said, ‘This is crap! No one will take you if you write such nonsense.’ I felt insulted and was infuriated, but for my friend’s sake I kept quite. Doing my best to control my anger, I politely asked, ‘What should I do to improve my chances?’ Gravely the fellow replied, ‘I think I can show you how.’

He brought his laptop and showed me his S.O.P. that had got him through the US university. I read through it in amazement and disbelief. Someone had to be really stupid to be fooled by that! He had written that he had never come second in his life (his academic scores said otherwise) and that he was the most brilliant fellow in the whole of the country! His S.O.P. was nothing but blatant boasting, something my parents have always stressed is improper! I could not do it.

Since that incident, many others have told me that the S.O.P. is not about telling the truth but about marketing yourself. Whoever markets the best, gets through irrespective of their proven caliber. I do not know how much this is true. I plan to stick with my format and find out for myself. I won’t mind being rejected if what they say is true. God bless America!

The Woman of My Dream

I am heads-over-heels in love with Hayden Leslie Panettiere. I first saw her in the movie "The Ice Princess" and ever since that day I am in love. She makes my heart skip a beat and makes me smile. O how pretty she is!!! And yesterday I saw her in "I Love Beth Cooper" and by God I am in love! Tell me isn't she pretty. I so wish I could meet her and just say a hello. O, what would I not give for that! Love is blind and lovers can't see - I know she is beyond my reach and yet I am so madly in love! That's the funny way love works.

Take A Step, Make A Difference

Referred to in the 17th century as the “Dark Continent”, Africa still remains a ‘Dark Continent’ in the 21st century – home to millions of people who suffer hunger, starvation, violence, deprivation, corruption, mismanagement and disease. It has become home to millions of people made destitute by war and the HIV/AIDS pandemic. With the social stigma attached it is virtually impossible for these people to come out of their miseries, made worse by the ignorance of the rest of the world.

But we the citizens of the world can make a difference to the lives of these people; we can bring a smile on their faces and hope in their eyes. There is an urgent need to unite to check the AIDS pandemic. We can save millions of lives by making retroviral drugs available to those who cannot afford it or do not have access to it. We need to create a social and cultural awareness about the disease and remove the stigma attached to it so that these people can lead a normal life. It is our moral duty as humans to care for our fellow humans. If not for the larger good of humankind, we need to act urgently to create a better world to live in when we are old.



African Peace Day (7th November) and African AIDS Day (30th November) is our (Center for African Affairs and Global Peace) initiative to bring about this change with your cooperation. So join us to make it known to the world that the situation in Africa needs our urgent attention.

Forward this letter to all the people you know and let all your friends join us in an effort to make this world a better place. Take a step and make a difference. Your letter can make a difference to the lives of millions.

Make this letter/email your profile picture in solidarity with the African AIDS Day.
Join us on facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/CAAGLOP , http://www.facebook.com/pages/African-Peace-Day/140563485980222 , http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=106449932745955 , http://www.causes.com/causes/516601, http://www.causes.com/causes/516601-stop-the-war-andaids-pandemic-in-africa?m=f59ad444 , http://www.causes.com/causes/549045-ban-the-importation-ofsmall-and-light-weapons-in-africa?m=f59ad444.

Apologetic Postscript of a Year Later

If you see this song, my dear,
And last year's toast,
I'm confoundedly in fear
You'll be serious and severe
About the boast.

Blame not that I sought such aid
To cure regret.
I was then so lowly laid
I used all the Gasconnade
That I could get.

Being snubbed is somewhat smart,
Believe, my sweet;
And I needed all my art
To restore my broken heart
To its conceit.

Come and smile, dear, and forget
I boasted so,
I apologise - regret -
It was all a jest; - and - yet -
I do not know.

- Robert Louis Stevenson

Pics of the Day

These are photos taken by me at 5:30 in the morning. I hope you like them.